The Men That Don't Fit In
by Robert W. Service

There's a race of men that don't fit in,
    A race that can't stay still;
So they break the hearts of kith and kin,
    And they roam the world at will.
They range the field and they rove the flood,
    And they climb the mountain's crest;
Theirs is the curse of the gypsy blood,
    And they don't know how to rest.

If they just went straight they might go far;
    They are strong and brave and true;
But they're always tired of the things that are,
    And they want the strange and new.
They say: "Could I find my proper groove,
    What a deep mark I would make!"
So they chop and change, and each fresh move
    Is only a fresh mistake.

And each forgets, as he strips and runs
    With a brilliant, fitful pace,
It's the steady, quiet, plodding ones
    Who win in the lifelong race.
And each forgets that his youth has fled,
    Forgets that his prime is past,
Till he stands one day, with a hope that's dead,
    In the glare of the truth at last.

He has failed, he has failed; he has missed his chance;
    He has just done things by half.
Life's been a jolly good joke on him,
    And now is the time to laugh.
Ha, ha! He is one of the Legion Lost;
    He was never meant to win;
He's a rolling stone, and it's bred in the bone;
    He's a man who won't fit in.

Running

I hate running. I really do. And even when I do it, I'm more of a jogger. Last weekend I completed the Myrtle Beach half marathon. I've gone from full marathons to half marathons. Full marathons are stupid.

But I was reminded by friends of my worst race ever. It was my fourth marathon. In 2010. In Salt Lake City, Utah. I was living in DC and flew out west just a day before the race. So as if the altitude change wasn't enough on it's own, I made sure it was the worst race I have ever run. Soon after I posted a "Things To Do/Not Do When Running a Marathon" list.

Here is that list:

1. Make sure you know the transportation (trax train) schedule for your race.
2. Don't wait around 45 minutes for a train that isn't coming to take you to the start line.
3. If at all possible, don't run a mile before the race even starts just to get to the starting line.
4. DO NOT start the marathon 1 hour late after the entire starting line and timing stuff has been removed (unless of course there are 8 other people you don't know with you, then just start the race as if you had been there on time).
5. Look at the map ahead of time. That way, if you start an hour late, you will know where to go after all the people are gone. (NOTE: if you failed to look at the map and still did not follow tip #4, just follow the trail of long-sleeved shirts and other clothes people have shed during the race. This is a great "bread crumb trail." WARNING: this "trail" will only last for about the first 8 miles of the marathon as everyone will have taken off their warm clothes by around this point.)
6. Don't worry about writing your name or other comments on your arm if you are going to start so late that you never see another person during the entire race.
7. Don't get lost. Look at the map! Didn't I tell you that in #5? You might add 1-2 miles on to your race! If you do get lost, make sure to ask friendly people outside of their houses. They might just have a printed map of the race course ready to give you if you cry enough. You are probably only two blocks west of where you wanted to be anyway.
8. Avoid leap-frogging with the truck sent to clean up the racebarricades.
9. Take the half-drank cup of OJ you find on a random table by some mountain bikers. The next station might already be closed.
10. Don't worry about all the mess you are in so far. If it is a beautiful day and the scenery is nice, just keep going.
11. Be a little concerned when the two people left at a drink station know you by your number and say things like "yup, #412 is coming in now," and "412 just left our station so try to keep yours open a little longer." Also, be concerned when you see the drink station but no one is there and you have to help yourself to the packed-up cups and water.
12. Make sure you let the marathon safety truck with EMTsfollow you on major highways when you are the very last runner on the race route. Don't feel silly about this. You will at first, but remember this is their job, they see it all the time, and you need their flashing lights where there is no shoulder or sidewalk to run on near the highway.
13. Start worrying when the EMT following you continually suggests you get in the car with him and he take you to the finish line. (after all, he did get approval to do so)
14. Call your mom from the EMT's phone to let her know you are alright. If she says she is coming to you because her marathon route got messed up anyway due to her not following tip #4, try to at least continue until you see her.
15. If you stop taking in water, stop sweating, keep throwing up and dry heaving, and have a horrible side pain that might be related to your ribs moving when you run, think about getting in that truck.
16. If the EMT pretty much makes you, and you are walking slower than a 3-year-old, think about getting in that truck.
17. When you meet your mom, feel free to cry. Face it, you've been crying already anyway. She already has seen you cry, she's your mom, and the EMT guy really doesn't care. He almost expects it.
18. GET IN THE TRUCK. Come on. At this point, they can't keep following you after 1pm and then you might get hit by a car. Or need someone else to get you anyway. They said they'll take your mom too. Everyone wins!
19. Remember that there is no shame in letting them drive you 3 miles and then finishing the race near the end. No glory, but certainly no shame considering your current state.
20. Don't fall into your sister (let's say, Liz?)'s arms when you cross the line and just start crying on her shoulder. Doing so will result in other sisters crying, as well as the finish line lady. No one needs that.
21. Go to the medic station if they told you too. Don't even worry that they have been waiting for #412 to come and have a place all ready for you because your EMT has been radioing them. Just enjoy the oxygen mask and banana they have for you.
22. Smile and enjoy the day. The pain will be gone soon enough. The memory will remain. And you are probably already signed up for the next two races you had in mind, so just give it another go then (AND REMEMBER TO APPLY ALL THESE TIPS TO YOUR NEXT RACE!)

Well, I hope this helped some of you out there. Keep running and don't forget your sunscreen! ;)

Welcome

Relax. Pull up a chair. Put your feet up. Welcome.

My name is JoAnna. That's what my family calls me. When I was younger I wanted nothing more than to be called "Jo." My family isn't into nicknames. No, that isn't true. It's my parents. My parents are not into nicknames. So I was JoAnna all through my growing-up years. But when I moved away from home to go to college, I realized I could be anything I wanted to be. And while other people were being doctors and engineers and astronauts, I was finally being Jo, for the first time. Nothing fancy, nothing special. Just Jo.

And I loved it.

And don't get me wrong, I'm still JoAnna too. And in recent years, I've gone back to being JoAnna just a little more. I've always been about half and half anyway. What name I was called has been dictated by how or from where a person has known me. Also, I am fluent in American Sign Language. It's way easier to sign J-O than J-O-A-N-N-A. Obviously. Jo is just easier to remember too. Being a girl named Jo is not quite the same but in a similar vein to being a boy named Sue. When I introduce myself it catches people off-guard to see my face and then have to mentally connect it to a name that traditionally belongs to a boy. This must help them remember it more easily. Which actually isn't awesome because I don't tend to pay attention to names and I always seem to be the one that forgets someone's name when they remember mine.

Off-topic: My dog is barking. I know, I know. It doesn't sound like big news. But my almost-2-year-old Rodesian Ridgeback mix, West, almost never barks. And at this exact moment when I have decided to write this blog post, he's at the front window and he just. won't. stop. There's nothing out there. I've looked. And looked. And looked. He's making me quite crazy, and not in a good way.

Ok, back to me. (Now that my stream of thought has been completely derailed. Thanks, West.) So, I'm JoAnna. And I'm Jo. And something most people might not know about me is that I love points. That's right, points. I might say I get a little obsessed with them. What points you ask? ANY POINTS. Can I be more specific? No, because I literally love ALL points. If something as points, I'm there. Sonic the Hedgehog and Super Mario were, and still are, two of my very favorite video games (coins are the same as points to me). I guess you could say I love competition. And I do. But really, I love points. Scores. Coins. Lingots. Wampa fruits. Anything you can collect to show all the work you have done.

Why am I telling you this? Because that's the reason I'm writing this blog. I'm part of a family fitness challenge. It lasts 10 weeks. We are just about to start week 5. And on top of the fitness goal you have to meet each week to get points, there are all these other wellness categories too. Each category has multiple activities worth 1-20 points a pop. So updating this blog, once a week for a month, is worth 10 points. In a list of things that are mostly worth 1 or 5 points, this is pretty big. So I'm doing it. We are teams of two. I'm on a team with my mom. She and I have a reputation of doing pretty darn well in these challenges. I haven't done a stellar job the first three weeks of this, but there's plenty of time left and I'm not gonna let my mother down. Even though she didn't want me to be named JoAnna, I still want to make her proud. (She wanted me to be named Elizabeth. But my dad wanted to name me after the Cool and the Gang song, Joanna. So my mom settled for naming me JoAnna, with a capital "A" and no space, because her mom's name was EmmaLou, with a capital "L" and no space. And my middle name is Elizabeth. But don't worry, after me they had another girl and named her Elizabeth. Elizabeth Ann. And then they went on to have eight more kids, through various means, with more overlapping names. So it really is a happy ending for my mom as far as naming her children goes.)

There. That's why I'm here. Tune in for more useless ramblings each week. Nothing special, just Jo.