Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Why I Changed My Mind About Mormon Feminism

There has been a lot of commotion recently in my church. I would like to address how I feel about this commotion and how I came to be involved with it.

First, a little about myself: I’m Mormon. I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (LDS). I grew up Mormon. I was baptized when I was eight years old. I am from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania and I went to Brigham Young University in Provo, Utah for my bachelor’s degree. I was married and sealed in the Washington, D.C. Temple.

Right now is March 2014. November 2012 was the first time I really heard of this commotion I mentioned in my opening of this post. It was a commotion from women within my church. I suppose I had heard some of the complaints, none of which I felt were very valid nor applied to me. Women were saying they weren’t being treated fairly, that they weren’t being treated equally. Women were saying they wanted the Priesthood, the power of God to act in His name (this is reserved only for righteous, worthy men in our faith).

I was upset about this. The first time I heard a women desire the Priesthood, I was actually angry inside. And I had heard what “these women” had said about women like myself: looking down on me and judging me for not wanting to work but to raise a family. Or women judging my very best friend for marrying young and starting her family, rather than her career. Or women acting so self-righteous with their older, single status when a couple divorced after a few short years for marrying too young.

I was angry. I felt attacked at my very core, my very being, for my most sacred and precious beliefs about who I was; about my divine role as a daughter of my Heavenly Father. And it was during this time of anger toward these women, whom I did not know personally at all, that I stayed with my older sister. This sister is also LDS. She was married and sealed to her husband in the temple. She has two beautiful children. She and I had several overlapping years at BYU. She is my only older sibling. We are closer than close and I love and respect her dearly, more than I could ever hope to describe through clumsy letters and words on a page.

And then I found out.

She was one of “them.”

My sister. My love. My strength.  And she was against me.

We talked for hours. I had a distant Facebook friend, a girl from my childhood stake, who posted about a “Wear Pants to Church Day.” I was disgusted. I couldn’t believe people would make such a demonstration at church. I couldn’t believe they would tell me I was wrong, that my leaders were wrong, that my church was wrong, especially since they were supposed to be part of it! I felt defensive. I was hurt. I was angry. Tears were cried. Voices were raised. Feelings were wounded. But because my sister and I are, well, sisters, and because we love each other dearly, we didn’t give up. I don’t know that I could have continued talking that way with anyone else. Our conversations and emotions ebbed and flowed over several days. And I told her, with tear stained cheeks, how those feminist women had wounded me. Their words, like knives, that cut as they talked down to my friends and me about our personal life decisions to be wives and mothers. I told her that women could bear children, and that no man could petition to have children. I knew that was a physical thing, but I believed it was also spiritual. And that in the same way women could not hold the Priesthood, not matter how much they asked, no man could carry a child for nine months. I said that women had motherhood and men had the Priesthood. I actually said, Lord forgive me (it literally hurts my heart to type this), that those women should seek another church, where they could worship as they pleased. I said I didn’t want the duty that men had. And my sister listened. And my sister loved. And she told me how she felt.

I didn’t wear pants to church that December. I was mad about it. But I wanted to know what people were saying. I wanted to know why they seemed so angry toward God and our church. And why my sister was so involved and supportive. So I read. And I read. And I read.

And another month went by.

And I read some more.

And I prayed. I read my scriptures. I went to church. I was called as the Young Women’s President at my little branch. And my heart started to change. Here I was, teaching these young women, and I had to really think about what was best for them, how to teach them (we are so small I have no counselors or teachers, just me, in the whole Young Women).

And I prayed and I read some more.

I found out who “those women” from before were. I read their stories. None of them spoke down about motherhood. None of them were rude to stay-at-home mothers. Most of them were mothers themselves. None of them were angry about women who marry young. Many of them had married young, too. None of them wanted to be men or less feminine. Many of them love their femininity and love what it means to be a woman.

I read about their tears. I read about their hurt. I read about their sincere soul searching and aching hearts and spirits.

And while I didn’t see that women should be ordained to the Priesthood, I saw SO MUCH MORE. I saw women who felt as I did. I saw women who grew up wanting to canoe in Canada with their church group, as the young men did. I saw women who would have served a mission if they could have gone when they were 19, as the men did. I saw women who thought it wasn’t right for mothers with children to be denied employment as seminary teachers for our church. Things that I had always thought and always said. And I realized the very things that I was saying were the SAME THINGS the feminists were saying.

And then I realized it – I am a feminist.

I want equal value placed on women in my church. I don’t want to “become” a man. I love being a women and I know it is a divine role, just as my other feminist brothers and sisters know it. But I want my sisters and my future daughters and my young women of my branch to know that they are not valued less because of their gender. The problem is, I see these messages-without-words being hammered into them at a young age by our church. Do I think it is malicious or intended? No. Do I think that people are just people and can make errors and mistakes? Of course. But I realized that our church as an institution is not perfect and has a lot of room for growth and change, as it always has. It always has. It has changed and will continue to change, right up to the day that our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, comes again to rule on the earth.

I realized that some people were left out from my church. Not purposely and not always obviously, but left out none the less. Women without children. Unmarried individuals over the age of about 26. People of color. People with various sexual orientations.

Some people say, as I once did, “I don’t feel marginalized. And I don’t treat other people that way. And if other people feel that way, it is their fault. They shouldn’t feel offended so easily when it is not intended.”

But what I didn’t realize was that by saying that, I was taking all the responsibility off myself for my fellow brothers and sisters. And isn’t that the exact opposite of what Christ taught? Isn’t that the exact thing he said not to do? He said to walk an extra mile, to give your coat and your cloak, to mourn with those who mourn and comfort those who stand in need of comfort. Not to only do that so long as you feel like you haven’t hurt anyone, or only when people deserve it, or to stop after you have tried once or twice (or any number of times).

And maybe it was my fault. Maybe I did hurt people. Maybe when I said women have Motherhood and men have the Priesthood, I didn’t think about women who cannot have children. And how even if you believe they can in the next life, how do they get through the next 50 years of their existence in this life? It was easy to write it off or say how they “should” feel when I didn’t know them. When I didn’t talk to them. When they were a nameless face on the internet or a story from a friend, I could rationalize away their pain. One of the hardest things for us to do as people to is to admit that we were wrong and that we hurt someone, especially when we did it while thinking we were doing what was right.

And I started to think about things. I started to read about the history of my church. And I read, from the mouths of our own leaders, about the changes that have been made. Everything from the temple ceremony to additional commandments to missionaries no longer being required to part their hair. And I realized that the church CAN and DOES change, even though God does not. And I realized that these changes come because people ASK. And that change doesn’t happen over night. And it doesn’t happen after one round of questioning. Sometimes it takes time and lots of dialogues and hundreds of prayers.

And I realized, suddenly, why I was so angry and defensive when I first heard these ideas. I felt they were a personal attack on me because I didn’t take the time to understand what was really being said. I saw a few Facebook statuses and read a few blog titles and thought I had it all figured out. And I also thought that the church didn’t and couldn’t change like it does.

And I realized, I wasn’t loving those men and women who were hurting.

To this day, I do not agree fully with everyone who considers themself a feminist, but I can honestly say, I do love them. I really do. And I would never tell them to quiet their questions, or to leave the church that I believe is the established Church of Jesus Christ. In fact, I learn so much from listening to the experiences and views of others. Even if I do not agree with their ideologies and perspectives, I grow and change and improve just from having open and honest dialogues with them.

And I do wonder why women cannot be more financially responsible in church matters. Or why they can’t make more decisions. Or why a mother cannot just hold her baby as it is blessed. Or why a woman can’t be the witness for a baptism or a sealing. Or why Achievement Days girls meet twice a month, but their male peers in scouts meet weekly. Or why women are only at some of the meetings for running the church, but men are at every meeting. Or why our separate General Conference meetings are not called the “Women’s Priesthood Meeting” and the “Men’s Priesthood Meeting,” and why both are not an official part of General Conference (just being in that Ensign issue for the month doesn’t make it official). Or why women are not asked to speak at the men’s Priesthood meeting. Or why the responsibility of being modest and chaste rests primarily with women, as many talks and sermons and lessons not only imply, but explicitly state. Or why Bishops and other men are not trained in counseling and sensitivity and abuse/rape before they take on the role of one who deals with and judges individuals in those situations. Or why women are not a set part of a disciplinary counsel. Or why a women can’t be a Sunday School President.

The list goes on, actually.

And I realized that Motherhood does not equal Priesthood. I realized that Motherhood = Fatherhood. That mother is a divine and sacred calling, but that father is also. Mothers are to nurture and raise children, but fathers are to do so also. Just as men are called to do work at church, women are too. Holding the keys to the Priesthood is not a prerequisite to service in the church. My question has never been if I am needed at church. I know I am. I know I have influences and abilities as a woman that are valued. But if Motherhood = Fatherhood, then Priesthood = Priesthood, where men are priests and women are priestesses. We are told as much is true. I would like the leadership to speak on that, to address that topic specifically. Just as Motherhood and Fatherhood are called Parenthood, and the mother and father have specific roles that cannot switch, I could see how really the Priesthood is comparable to Parenthood. That men and women are BOTH involved and BOTH have equally IMPORTANT roles, though different. And I do believe that is the case. So why not talk about it? Tell me where I stand as a woman. Expound more explicitly what I can do in terms of the Priesthood with respect to the power to act in the name of God as a child of God, NOT with respect to Parenthood or a husband. (I know we are told as women that we support the Priesthood, but this feels like telling fathers to just “support” mothers in their child rearing duties, while they in fact have actual roles in and of themselves, along with supporting the mother of their children.) Just because I don’t hold the Priesthood like a man does, why can I not make decisions about the church? Can a woman not also receive revelation? Just because I can’t baptize or give a blessing, can I not counsel and advise on sacred and important issues? And stop calling the men of the church “The Priesthood.” Some hold the keys, but they are men, they themselves are not the power of God. And let’s ask some more questions about Heavenly Mother. Let’s talk about what we do know of her. Let’s stop acting as if she doesn’t exist. Give women a gender-specific God role model to emulate. 

I digress. So there are issues and ideas and lots of problems that are out there with gender equality and devaluing of women in our church.

But people have questioned. And you know what, now women can pray in sacrament meeting (that’s right, they didn’t always). And in General Conference (it only took until 2012!). And women can serve a mission at 19 years old. And instead of having a Relief Society meeting once a year before General Conference, we now have a combined, General Women’s meeting, twice a year, near each General Conference session. And the temple ceremony has changed several times to be (a little) less man-centered in its language. And a new movie was made for the temple ceremony that better portrays the thoughts and feelings of our church’s doctrine in regard to our Mother Eve.

And so I too continue to ask, to question, to speak. Because I feel there is more room for change. Because some are left out. Some go unnoticed. Some hurt, and instead of mourning with them as we are instructed to do as Christians, people of my faith judge them and wish to cast them out.

And I wore pants this year, December 2013, for the second annual Pants Day. And I said I did this because, “I see you. And I know you hurt. And I hurt too.” I wore pants to show my support for all those who struggle to find a place in our church and our faith, who struggle to find truth, who are judged and cast aside, called apostate (and worse), who wish for change for a better tomorrow, for all the instances where people have been undervalued FOR ANY REASON. And it was my pledge to do my part to fix our broken places, to build up our weak areas, and to add space where there was none before in our church, so that all of God’s children may find our worship houses to be a safe haven and place of peace from the world. And I'll keep doing these things and I'll keep loving and loving and loving. Forever. 




77 comments:

  1. Thanks for telling your story and sharing how you were able to really see these women and understand their concerns. I wish more LDS members would be willing to "mourn with those who mourn" instead of casting them out for sincerely asking questions.

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  2. Thank you for sharing your story. It is very reflective of my own.

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  3. Love this so much. Thank you for sharing your story.

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  4. Amen, and thank you. This really touched me.

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  5. thank you! this is a wonderfully well-written and thoughtful explanation....now it just needs to reach those who are currently spouting such hateful words and intolerance toward their fellow sisters and brothers.....

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  6. I appreciate very much your sharing your anger-pain-love-filled journey. Thank you, it strengthens us all.

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  7. Due to length restrictions on this site, I have posted my comments about your blog here:

    http://janariess.religionnews.com/2014/03/18/im-mormon-feminist-anti-mormon-protestor/#comment-87751

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  8. There is hope!!! The more recent conference talks address a lot of these issues. Elder Andersen talked specifically about the Priesthood being God's power: We sometimes overly associate the power of the priesthood with men in the Church. The priesthood is the power and authority of God given for the salvation and blessing of all—men, women, and children.
    A man may open the drapes so the warm sunlight comes into the room, but the man does not own the sun or the light or the warmth it brings. The blessings of the priesthood are infinitely greater than the one who is asked to administer the gift.
    His talk "Power in The Priesthood" addresses more of your questions, too! It's really amazing how God inspires our leaders, men & women, on what to speak about at General Conference.
    The Apostles speak of the men being "bearers" of the Priesthood and even pointed out that we mistakenly refer to men as "The Priesthood". There's so much more, and they ARE listening. And Elder Holland reassured us that both imperfect men & imperfect women are all God has to work with--thank goodness He continues to bless us regardless. :)

    I hope you find peace and feel the Savior's love for you and all of us women in the Church. HE is definitely listening.
    Best Regards

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    1. And what does that mean for single women? That we sit alone in the dark? Sorry, no, that doesn't work for me.

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    2. I didn't say anything about only married women receiving blessings from the priesthood power. I'm single, too. I've gone to both family and mid-singles wards. There's a place in both for singles. And through the Priesthood bearers in my wards, I've had that priesthood light. That's why we're all out there serving each other--we're not in this alone at all; God knows everyone does not have the family unit we strive for. So He provides.
      Are we not all missing the point here? Yes, the men bearing the Priesthood are not perfect. Nor are women perfect. The leaders of our church are not perfect. And we don't run the church perfectly. But Jesus is the leader of this church--we can get through these hard situations and work through them if we're looking for solutions in line with His doctrine and keeping the Spirit as our guide.

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  9. In case anyone read Brother Bounds comment (and I do encourage you to do so, because it is always good and important to hear all sides), here is what I wrote to him:

    Brother Bounds,

    I am JoAnna, from the blog post. I want to first thank you for your careful reading of my blog. A lot of time and thought went into it and I appreciate views from all sides. I do feel that you made some assumptions that were not written, and seeing as we do not know each other and this is easy to do, I would like to clarify a few things.

    First, this post is why I consider myself a Mormon Feminist, NOT a post about why women should be ordained. While I am open to that, it is not something that I fight for, personally. Most women who are part of OW would say they are feminists, if not all of them. But not even close to all feminists are OW supporters. I feel like this is a very important distinction to make. While I support those men and women with their questions, and my post was put up in support of understanding anyone with different beliefs, you comments seemed to all come through a lens of defending male-only Priesthood, and my post is not about that.

    Second, you opened with a huge assumption that I must have just not done anything to not be able to go on a trip like the Young Men. It felt a little condescending to be honest. I tried for three years. I saved money. I planned fundraisers that were never allowed to happen. Why? Because I was told again and again that we had to have a Priesthood holder with us on the trip, and that none would go with us. I had women leader who not only were willing, but wanted to go. We were not allowed because we had to have a man and no man would join us. Trust me, I tried. If you want even more details about that, I can share, but I think for now you get the point.

    You talk about me writing of women who do not have children. Although I do not share your exact opinions on this, I do not really disagree. But my point was that women have more value than just motherhood. Although that is sacred and wonderful and divine, it is not all we are as women.

    Yes, the changes I want to see ARE more superficial. That is my point. IT ISN’T DOCTRINE. That is the whole point of me coming out as a feminist. There are so many small, “superficial,” changes we can make to ensure more gender equality and that women are valued in our ACTIONS the same way we say they are with our WORDS.

    You say that motherhood and fatherhood are not gender equivalents. I don’t even really know how to address that. They are both part of parenthood, one is the male role and one is the female role. You can’t have parenthood without either one, even though each has their own part. YOU, sir, are the one who concluded that I mean that there was no reason for women to not have the Priesthood. This was not even close to what I wrote. I said that, given that reasoning, there are also Priests and Priestesses in the Priesthood, and that this point seems to never get fully addressed.



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  10. continued…

    Women do not make major church decisions. We make decisions for the primary and for the Relief Society. Sometimes good men who understand our importance choose to include us. They do not have to. And you can read about past Relief Society General Presidencies and their words if you doubt this. Google Sister Chieko N. Okazaki, former 1st Counselor of the General RS Presidency, and her interview with Gregory Prince. You don’t have to take my word for it, just read her exact words. She sites specific examples. Only the men make the decisions for our church and women absolutely could and should be more involved in the process.

    And I don’t confuse “support” and “performance of duty.” Again, you basically make my point, just don’t take it far enough. As women, we are only really told to “support” the Priesthood. I wan tot know more about my “performance of duty,” as you call it, in that capacity. Because, as you point out, there is a distinct difference in those two ideas.

    I never once said the church hid doctrine of Heavenly Mother. Again, it feels like you twist words to make me sound like a conspiracy theorist and an extremist. I simply said, why don’t we talk about her more? There must be more. You may disagree or have explanations that justify why we do not, and I accept that, but please do not put words in my mouth.

    I think modesty is important. The way it is discussed is not correct. And I have read in a personal communication from an apostle that there is agreement in my statement there, so your words do not upset me because I know I have the full support of the Lord’s anointed in this. I do not feel oppressed. I am from Pittsburgh, not Utah. I am not resentful in any way toward men. I am actually not sure how you could get that from my post. And I certainly am not taking it out on the church in any way. I love this church. I want to continue to add to it and improve it as has always been done.

    You say I lack testimony, understanding, and faith. And my entire post is about how that is the exact incorrect assumption about people who support gender equality. I know exactly to whom this church belongs. And I know how He feels about the hurt, mistreatment, and misrepresentation of His daughters, even by loving, well-intended individuals.

    I hope you will think twice before you make such brash judgments in the future about a person’s testimony. If you want to write about how you disagree, that is fine. But do not try to undermine my opinions and my ideas by trying to paint me as a misinformed and misguided individual who is under Satan’s influence. You are the exact kind of personality that caused me to write my post in the first place. Thank you for continuing to prove that what I have to say is not only relevant, but necessary.

    I truly do appreciate your time and your words though. I hope I have maybe caused you to pause and re-think some of your opinions, but either way, I know that even if you don’t realize it, we are on the same side of this fight and you are my brother and I do love you.

    Sister JoAnna, West Virginia

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  11. Great post! I'm glad to have been around to see you grow in this journey, it's a hard one to come to grips with!

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  12. Very good and touching text. Thank you for sharing!

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  13. No less than what I have come to expect from you! Heavenly Father will never tell you that you hid this talent under a bushel, and it's certainly giving light!

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  14. In reguards to our Heavenly Mother, I truly believe there is a reason she is not spoken of more often. Think about how so often our Heavenly Father's name is taken in vain, and our Saviors. It is used in vile ways, in the same sentences that will use the most vile cuss words. It is mocked in so many ways. Jesus is drawn in cartoons in vile ways. The list can go on and on these days. I believe our Heavenly Mother's name is protected because of the great amount of Love and respect that is given to her in ways we cannot possibly understand in our mortal state. It was interesting reading your post. One of my friends posted it on Facebook. I hear what you are saying. But I could only think of the contention it is building. One of the first things the Lord said to the Nephites when he visited was that contention was not of Him, but of the devil. We also learn in that we are nothing without Christ, but to the Savior...we are everything. ( Do we need a female Savior? I really wonder how far this will go.) There are female seminary teachers with young children. One of my friends was one in Calfornia. And women have such a vital role in the decisions made by the leaders. You may just not hear about it, or see it. I understand your need to "understand". Prayerfully search the scriptures, especially the Book of Mormon. It is filled with so many answers to your questions. I truly hope you can find peace in the Gospel of Jesus Christ. It is His gospel, not mans. There is doctrine, and then there are principles. Try not to get so caught up in the principles of things, in order for women to be recognized. It really doesn't matter in the grand sceme of things. Satan knows these things are bothering you, so he's working extra hard on you, and those who want to protest, and "rebel" against what the Lord has set forth. I would go to your bishop, and discuss your concerns with him. He has the keys from the Lord to answer your questions too. Blogland can give you a pat on the back, but the Lord is really the only one who can bring you true peace.

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    1. The female Seminary teachers you speak of are early morning Seminary, not release time CES.

      And just because someone disagrees doesn’t make it contention. You misunderstand the meaning of the word if you think asking God sincerely about the status of his children is contention. Too many people in the church use that phrase as a way to silence and shut down discussion.

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    2. Ah, but the line between disagreement and contention is incredibly fine. To disagree in a way that announces to the world that you think that God's living prophet on the earth is incorrect is contention. This isn't a disagreement about something trivial, but of whether the fundamental structure of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is true and if the Prophet is really speaking in behalf of God. I absolutely agree with everything Heidi Roylance has said, to continue discussion rather than shut it down, and my heart truly goes out to those who hurt, but isn't it possible to consider that women who abide by all the covenants they have made in the temple endow them with the exact same amount of power that men have? This is a church that was created to ensure that men and women are perfectly equal in power, yet perfectly different in their roles as men and women. I don't hold the Priesthood power, but as a LDS woman who is determined to honor and cherish my temple covenants, I will never doubt the power of righteous womanhood that I DO hold. I also fully believe that this is NOT a religion of blind faith by any means, but I accept that there are a lot of things I'll never understand that God does, and just because I don't have His perfect scope of knowledge and understanding doesn't mean I think He is wrong. This is the only church that has ever existed that has placed men and women on such an equal plane. I am not a subordinate to men in this church, I am their equal; their skirt-wearing, revelation-receiving, mission-going, home-maker, spiritual-discussion-teaching, Christ-serving, child-bearing, partner and equally beloved Daughter of my Heavenly Parents. And that's pretty much all I need.

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  15. Heidi,

    Thank you for your thoughtful response. I truly always appreciate the reminder for each of us to seriously search our hearts and minds to make sure that our desires are righteous and in line with the Savior. It is sometimes difficult to navigate the balance between our own personal desires and what the Lord really wants for us, what He is saying to us. I think everyone would do well to examine this aspect of our lives, I try to do it every day.

    And with that I do find peace in my questions and my journey to understanding. I don't feel contentious, and I didn't feel that my post was either. In fact, my hopes in writing it was that it might help to resolve some contention that I have seen and experienced. To avoid contention because some might misunderstand at the expense of finding greater knowledge, or at the expense of improving our system, is not only not worth it, but not what the Lord or any of our church leaders teach us. And they have said as much. Joseph Smith preached about this very subject, encouraging this exact practice. The important part is that all keep the spirit of love with them. We can disagree without contention. It isn't the view points that cause contention, it is how the involved parties handle the various view points. So avoiding contention is the each individual's responsibility in their responses, not in sharing their opinions (so long as it is done respectfully).

    I disagree about Heavenly Mother. I understand your view, and I certainly respect it. It is what I have always been told. However, it is not doctrine. And to me, it feels like something people have made up because they don't have a better explanation. And maybe there isn't a good explanation. But just Her sacredness does not feel enough to me. I know She is there and I know She loves me. And I have never heard anyone speak of the need of a female Savior. Maybe some have said this, but I consider myself quite well read in this area and have never heard that from any Christian Feminists. Because no one want to actually be a man. And even we feminists realize and love the beauty of the differences in gender. And we love our Christ and what He did for each of us. I love the atonement and know that I am lost without it. Jesus Christ, and no other, made that sacrifice for me, and for you, and for every individual that ever has been or ever will be.

    I know that women have vital roles in the church. I am still saying that our roles are limited. I do hear and I do see many good things. That does not mean that there is not room for more. As I posted above, you can google the interview with the former 1st Counselor of the General Relief Society, Sister Chieko N. Okazaki, with Gregory Prince. It is the best example I have of a woman who is in one of our top leadership roles, who still acknowledges where women are left out of the decision making process, even for their own finances and church curriculum.

    And there are seminary teachers with children, my mother is one of them. But women with young children will not be hired by the Church Educational System. These are the paying jobs, not just the church callings.

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  16. continued...

    I can promise you all, I am not saying these things lightly or without thought. I am not new to the church, I have served in many capacities my whole life. I love this church. And I read my scriptures daily. I have since I was a child. I have read the Book of Mormon over ten times the whole way through. I only say this to prove that scripture reading, testimony having, church going, revelation receiving people can have these thoughts and ideas and feelings.

    I am not caught up in principles so much that it takes away from my testimony or my faith. But I can have a strong testimony and serve my Christ well, while at the same time trying to improve where those "principles" need to be improved. Women are that important. Girls are that important. And our men and boys are too. When we devalue women in any way, even small ways that some may not feel impacts them directly, we do a disservice to everyone.

    And so you know, I have spoken with my local leadership. And I know literally hundreds of women who also have. And their leadership supports them fully. Truly. I'm not just saying that. I want people to know, these questions and ideas are not being quieted by our leadership. And even our very highest leaders have heard these views, and they do not condemn them. That does not mean that all agree with everything, but they have never once said that my thoughts and those that think like me are being influenced by Satan. They have thanked us for our thoughtful words and questions and ideas.

    The Lord does hear my prayers. And He does have answers. And I commune with Him daily. And finally, with support from those closest to me, I shared what I have learned from those personal, holy communications with my Heavenly Father.

    I have peace. I love it. And I am trying to share it with others.

    Thank you for your time, and again, for your thoughts. These are the dialogues I had hoped to have. Thank you.

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  17. Hi Joanna, a friend's Facebook post led me here. Thanks for honestly sharing your story. I just wanted to share two links that may be really interesting to you and your other readers. The first is a long, highly researched article from BYU Studies regarding all of the Church's historical teachings on Heavenly Mother. I found it very interesting and realized that there is actually a great deal that has been taught and it also refutes the "holy hush" myth that somehow she is too sacred or special to talk about. Read that one HERE: https://byustudies.byu.edu/PDFViewer.aspx?title=8669&linkURL=50.1PaulsenPulidoMother-482bf17d-bbc5-4530-a7cc-c1a1b7e5b079.pdf The second piece is the best one I have found regarding Priesthood=Priestesshood. It's pretty deep and includes some theories I had not heard before and am still deciding how I feel about. It will make the most sense to people who have been to the temple for endowments, but either way, I thought it had some great insights. It's by Valerie Hudson Cassler, a scholar on Mormonism and believing member. Reach that one HERE: http://www.fairmormon.org/perspectives/fair-conferences/2010-fair-conference/2010-the-two-trees Best of luck to you and all of our sisters in this glorious Gospel.

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    1. Thank you for sharing those links, Erika. They (particularly the second one) were most helpful to me.

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  18. Beautiful blog! I feel the love!! Got here from a facebook page, Thank you for your bravery and vulnerability.

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  19. JoAnna, again great words and thoughts… and I want to commend you on the time you have taken to respond to those to people who have disagreed with your post. I feel that you are straight forward, yet sensitive. You articulate and honest words are heart warming. And I couldn't agree more with everything you have said!! Love you!

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  20. Well, JoAnna, I want to thank you for writing this! It was fair, without resentment or namecalling, and caused me to think. I consider myself a feminist in the way pretty much all modern women are feminists if we really sit down to think about it. I've always believed in Heavenly Mother. While I'm not opposed to the ordination of women I still disagree with much (though not all) of the mindset of the OW group. I belong to a ward full of wealthy old women who have been wearing designer pantsuits to church years before it was making a statement (I'm in the poorer, younger demograph of the ward).

    It seems, as you discovered, there is no black-and-white line with the women in the Church. There is no segregation of conservative anti-feminist women against liberal feminist women. It's a mix of views and needs and thoughts and experiences and hearts. I think you and I would disagree and agree on a plethora of different subjects.

    And because of that I once again thank you for writing this. This post got to the heart of the matter and the dialogue we should be reaching for.

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  21. "And I started to think about things. I started to read about the history of my church. And I read, from the mouths of our own leaders, about the changes that have been made. Everything from the temple ceremony to additional commandments to missionaries no longer being required to part their hair. And I realized that the church CAN and DOES change, even though God does not. And I realized that these changes come because people ASK. And that change doesn’t happen over night. And it doesn’t happen after one round of questioning. Sometimes it takes time and lots of dialogues and hundreds of prayers."

    I loved this part of your post. I absolutely believe that the true mark of this, the true Church is continual revelation.

    I wonder though if the proponents of this movement would be content and accept a negative answer from the Church when it comes to their ordination to the priesthood. I do believe that the prophet and the brethren need to seek revelation and give an official declaration when it comes to this issue. I am looking forward to their declaration because no matter the outcome it will be a further testimony that this a living Church and that the heavens are still open.

    I was surprised to read this quote out of the ordain women website: "In fact, the challenge to advocate for women’s ordination was articulated by former Church President Gordon B. Hinckley in a 1997 interview with reporter David Ransom. When Ransom asked if the policy on denying priesthood to women could be changed, much like it had for black men, President Hinckley responded, “Yes. But there’s no agitation for that."

    I do believe that the agitation is here. No matter how big or small this movement may be an answer is needed. I am looking forward to the answer.

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  22. "Maybe when I said women have Motherhood and men have the Priesthood, I didn’t think about women who cannot have children."

    Just to be clear, as a woman who has struggled with infertility for 7 years and doesn't have children, I am a mother. I don't, and I know many many other infertile women don't, feel that because I don't have children and may never have children that I need to fill that absence with the supposed equivalent of the priesthood. Not to say you said that exactly, just to clarify for my own accord.

    I think a lot of what the priesthood is and a lot of what motherhood truly is, is lost in the contention of this debate. Thus said, I think if everyone, EVERYONE, took a step back and evaluated the situation from every facet, we would have a non issue on our hands. Not saying that everything should stay exactly the same and not saying that women should be ordained.

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    1. What about women who never marry and who never have children? I am glad you found a way to feel comfort in not being able to have children, but I don't feel any comfort in being considered second class or even invisible in the church. What Joanna said early in her post about single women hurt, terribly, because it's the kind of assumption that gets made about single women all the time in this church, that we've "chosen" to "forsake" getting married unlike our more righteous counterparts who did get married. It's simply untrue for the vast majority of single women in the church.

      This doesn't mean I care about receiving the priesthood. I actually don't align myself with Ordain Women. But I do think we need greater revelation on what priestesshood means for women, and it isn't patting single women on the head and saying, "don't worry, little girl, you'll be a mom and wife someday when you're dead. So just look forward to day you die because your mortal life is worthless!"

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  23. Erica – Thank you for your two links. I know that there is information out there, I just wish we talked and taught about it more. Thank you for sharing that. It was very interesting and helpful to me.

    Aurelio – I wonder the same things. For me, I am content with whatever the answer may be, while at the same time realizing that revelation on these matters can take time. Hopefully both sides of the issue will respect each other and show love no matter what the coming months and years of revelation may reveal.

    Cambra - Thank you for your insight. I, too, do not have children, for other reasons. To be honest, I would literally love nothing more than to have children of my own right now. I know that many women without children have varying opinions and perspectives on this and many issues. I appreciate your clarification and your thoughts, as I am sure they not only gave me more insight, but also are a comfort for many who feel the same as you do.

    Your post made me think on this point further. And yes, I totally agree that the Priesthood would not change or fill any absences. Certainly my point was that I think both men and women have gender roles in Parenthood and that both men and women have gender roles in Priesthood, and therefore I do not like the notion that Motherhood and Priesthood are gender equivalents. And in my opinion, a great example of why that later equivalent fails is women, not unlike you and I, who have no children. That is where it has felt most obvious to me that while I have potential, both in this life and in the next, for Motherhood, and while I still demonstrate many examples of motherhood in my life at this time, I don’t want that to be an excuse others might use as to why women do not have the Priesthood. In fact, I am not part of the OW movement myself, and actually see where there could be separate and distinct gender roles in the Priesthood for both men and women. What I want is more focus on this area – and maybe even a few more minor changes with respect to this idea of my role in the Priesthood.

    But again, yes, thank you so much for bringing up a fantastically important point about women and Motherhood. I hope that I did not offend in any way with my words. And I agree completely about important common ground that is lost in contention. I absolutely agree that this could be a contentious-free issue, regardless of personal opinion, if people stepped back as you say, and also loved and respected more.

    And finally, to everyone who has supported me and shown gratitude – my gratitude to you is more than I know how to express. Though there have been some negative comments, they have been so few. I have been overwhelmed with the positive messages of love and understanding and support. I honestly didn’t think so many people would show so much love after many other posts and conversations I had seen and read previously. Thank you for loving. I pray we can all continue to show this love and respect to all of our sisters and brothers throughout our lives.

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  24. "Why can't women [fill in the blank]?"

    My question is: Do you feel the role you fulfill in this life can change the way God loves you?

    God has never promised us "equality" in this sojourn in life. In fact, inequality is more the rule than the exception in history's record. What we HAVE been promised is equal access to God's salvation and love. This is enough for me.

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  25. Robyn! Hi! Fancy seeing you here! :)

    A couple thoughts from your liberal feminist bff. :) Just because inequality is more the rule doesn't mean we should willingly accept that. Some things will never be fair. Different people have different needs and fairness doesn't equal fairness- I get all that. Not speaking religiously necessarily- I feel like we should always try to lift and help those who are abused, ignored, burdened, devalued, etc. Equality, like perfection, may not be possible in this life- but it should certainly be the goal.

    I know God loves me. The same way I love my children equally and unconditionally. That wouldn't make it okay for me to treat them unfairly, though.

    Remember when we used to complain that the YM in the ward got to do awesome things compared to the YW and they finally let the YW go on a backpacking trip because of it? :)

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  26. I should proofread before I post.

    Fairness doesn't equal sameness is what I meant. Not fairness doesn't equal fairness.

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  27. Kirsten! What a coincidence seeing you here! We should have brought the kids with us. Had a little blog-o-sphere play date! Swapped our favorite sugar/butter-licious recipes! Sung some of our old Simon and Garfunkel songs. Laughed about scotch-taping our faces in high school to look like Stewart Caton.

    Maybe this is the wrong place for that. Maybe we should do that on somebody else's blog...

    =)

    (I'm sending you an email!)

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  28. I studied my way out of the church about a year ago. I loved the LDS church and would have stayed, but there was no place for my thoughts and opinions. It hurt terribly. Thank you for writing this.
    I love what you wrote here:
    To this day, I do not agree fully with everyone who considers themself a feminist, but I can honestly say, I do love them. I really do. And I would never tell them to quiet their questions, or to leave the church that I believe is the established Church of Jesus Christ. In fact, I learn so much from listening to the experiences and views of others. Even if I do not agree with their ideologies and perspectives, I grow and change and improve just from having open and honest dialogues with them.

    and “I see you. And I know you hurt. And I hurt too.”

    What a beautiful, compassionate post!

    Don't "all God's creatures have a place in the choir?"

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    1. mama of many - I won't go into all the whys and wherefores, suffice to say "come back into the fold" !! We are sisters in Zion, we all need each other, even though some don't see that. We all love each other, even though some don't display that. We all have sinned and come short of the glory of God even though some strut around as if perfect. We judge not lest we be judged, I won't even go there!! WE NEED WOMEN LIKE YOU, women who can think outside the box yet love and respect those that don't or cant. But setting everything else aside, it is your eternal salvation at stake here. I'm in Ireland. there aren't the huge number of Mormons here that there are in the USA and we still face a lot of anti-mormonism but maybe because of that we are united in adversity and in that we are blessed.

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    2. We need you and I am sure that you could study your way back into the church. It has been a source of refuge for me during times of madness in the world outside.

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    3. Mama of Many – I sincerely respect your opinion and your choices. Just know, in or out of the church, I have a place for you. And there are so, so many sisters and brothers who feel the same way. Thank you for sharing. I am sure your spiritual journey has not been easy. Thank you for your support.

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  29. Thank you for your article. I agree with every point you have made and I am thankful for the loving and caring way you expressed it.
    I have also always been a faithful member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and have a strong testimony of the restored gospel. I know with every part of my soul that Heavenly Father loves me and that I am important to Him.
    I have lived in Provo, UT, Houston, TX, Utica, NY and now Phoenix, AZ. With the opportunity to experience the Church and see it function from so many different perspectives, I have learned the gospel is the same everywhere but the Church is not. I believe that many of the changes we would like to see are not the way God intends things to be done, but rather the tradition of how mortals have always done them. I have felt this way for years, but being a mother of only daughters has helped me find my voice. Someone has to ask or try to bring change, that doesn't mean we are contentious, angry, or challenging our Church leaders, to me it means I am interested, growing my faith and striving to fulfill my divine role.
    I feel encouraged by the direction things have been going, and I feel loved by our Church leaders. I think sometimes these changes have to come slowly because Heavenly Father knows many are not ready and it would shake their testimonies to the point of them leaving the Church. I trust in God’s will and in President Monson’s right to receive revelation; and I am thankful that I have the ability to ask questions and receive answers.

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    1. JD Mack - you have summed up exactly what I wanted to say!! Thank you for doing so in such an eloquent way. I'm in Ireland. there aren't the huge number of Mormons here that there are in the USA and we still face a lot of anti-mormonism but maybe because of that we are united in adversity and in that we are blessed.

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    2. Thank you! I feel encouraged as well. Thank you for the reminder that change can be slow.

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  30. Thank you for your thoughts. I do not feel opposed to them. The thought I have about it is

    "Behold, mine house is a house of order, saith the Lord God, and not a house of confusion... will I receive at your hands that which I have not appointed?" (D&C 132:8,10)

    So, the quest, I suppose is to find out what He has appointed and be ready to accept it, because His way ultimatelly is the only way to true happiness.

    I totally agree with you that as leaders we should always strive to be as sensitive as possible. And I too wish, we had more training about helping people with abuse/rape issues. Especialy in areas of the world where the psychological help available is below what we would hope.

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    1. Constantin – Yes, there is definitely a balance to be found between our own understanding, what the leaders of our church say (especially involving church policy, not doctrine), and when we choose to speak up about issues that concern us. Thanks for your support on training. I hadn’t thought about globally all the people that might only have access to such services through the church. That made me feel all the more that such a requirement of training is important and necessary.

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    2. Thank you. Just wanted to add one more thing. As I've been thinking about this article over and over again, I thought of why it never bothered me really before. For me the answer is I never cared much about it because I thought it was not among the most important things for me. I thought that the Lord's work and His glory was centered around serving and helping beings progress, progress to more happiness. I always felt this was one of the most importatnt things the Church could help us achieve: to learn this life of service and the joy it brings. I always found that there are so many opprotunities to serve, to make someone happier than they were. Most of which even lay beyond the scope of one's calling in the Church. Maybe it is only true to wher I live, but I've always found that the need for service to our "fellow men" seems to always exceed our capacity. That is why I never thought a person willing to serve could run out of opportunities to implement that desire. I always thought a brother in the Church could do as much good as a sister. In this senece, I always thought of them not only as equal but even no different one from another. Well, that's just my thoughts. As President Uchtdorf said, lift where you stand. Always tried to do that. Hopefully, it could help some of you if you feel discouraged or undervalued. When you serve somebody not out of duty, but out of love, in most cases they will value you and love you very much. It could be anything: organizing free babysitting so that couples could go on a date, taking youth to fun activities once in a while, listening to elderly people, making surprize gifts to neighbours or random people at Church. Lots and lots of other things. They are fun and really make you feel the Spirit. He would guide you to see the needs you can answer.

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  31. Perhaps, I am misunderstanding what you said but as far as I know; I've been receiving revelation as a woman for many years. So, I don't get your questioning on why woman don't receive revelations. I can provide many examples of receiving revelations.

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    1. Christy – I am not sure to what exactly you are referring, but I absolutely know that women receive revelation. They receive it for themselves and their families and for their church callings. Again, I don’t know exactly what part of the post or what comment you are referencing, but I totally agree with you and we are definitely on the same page there.

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    2. "Can a woman not also receive revelation?" This is the part that I was referring to. Reading it again, I think I may have misread it.

      By the way, I am curious to know if you know or are related to vicki or Kristin Neely of the Pittsburgh North STake??

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    3. Yes, I just meant exactly what you said, that the answer to that question is YES! So, as a woman, I feel I (or any woman) could be more involved in the larder decisions that the church make, both locally and globally.

      And yes, I wondered if you were one of the Grubers I knew! Vicky is my mom and Krsten is my aunt! Small world. :)

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  32. Incredibly genuine, moving, well-written, comprehensive and enlightening. You will move minds and change hearts in ways that no on else can. Thank you. Keep trusting that brilliant heart and keen mind of yours. And keep sharing with the rest of us! (from one who has been at it for over a decade now) --Chelsea Shields Strayer

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    1. Thank you so much for your reply. Your confidence in me makes me motivated when I would otherwise feel unsure of myself. You keep up the good work too!

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  33. I love this post so much!! Would you consider posting it to mormonfeminist.org? we would love to have a submission from you!

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    1. I'm happy to share and post where ever you think it might be of use to people. Just let me know what to do. :)

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  34. This article was brutal and full of several errors in logic, as well as Apple/orange comparisons. All I could think of as I read it was a child who whips him-/herself into an hysteria which just feeds more hysteria. Chillax.

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    1. I didn't feel like it was brutal at all. And the logic, wasn't perfect, but that's okay. The article is about how she came to feel more love and empathy for the women in the Movement. You can't really question that experience.

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    2. We have a long history of men telling women who make them uncomfortable with the truth to "relax, it's not what you think." You might look up gaslighting sometime.

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    3. Wonder Boy – I’m sorry you felt that way about the post, I really am. I certainly don’t feel hysteric at all, and I’m actually quite “chill.” But I am happy to see how others might perceive my story, so thank you for sharing. I’m still in the middle of figuring many things out – probably will be for a lifetime. If you had specific points you would like to discuss about where my logic is flawed and my faulty comparisons, I am interested to know them. It helps me learn and continue to analyze these important issues.

      Matt and Stacy – Thank you for your support!

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  35. I thank God you wrote this. THIS is what Zion is and I am so grateful you have a big enough heart to love as the Savior has love. It dripped from your words...it shines in your actions... and I love you for it. Cami (Feminist Mormon Book Club Podcast)

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    1. Your words are making me a little emotional! Thank you for your support and amazingly kind words, and for your love. I truly do feel it and I share it for you too. :)

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  36. Wow...this was fantastic! As a convert to the church four years ago, I have asked/thought many of the same questions/points you have mentioned. As a born and raised Vermonter, we New Englanders value our independence and somewhat rebellious nature. Hmmm...where was Joseph Smith from :D. It has been hard in many ways to conform to the expectations in the church, although I'm fortunate to live in an area that does not quickly condemn to silence. Women are valued in this church- without question- but there is room for growth and improvement just as you have mentioned. And I have faith that it will...as long as the women (and men) of this churcj continue to raise their voices, think for themselves, stand firm in their faith and, most importantly, do/say it with love. Thank you so very much for your thought provoking words, your insight, your femininity and your strong will. Amen Sista! ; )

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    1. Yay for someone from my neck of the woods! Thank you for sharing a little about yourself. I love that you recognize that we as women DO, of course, have value, but that there is still room for improvement! I have had several responses from people asking me how I can not know how valued we are as women in the church or in God's eyes. I know who I am and I know what my Heavenly Father things of me (and all those of my gender!), I just want our policies and institutional practices to reflect that value and love. Thank your for your response and encouragement.

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  37. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. I feel like I'm in a very similar place. I spent a lot of time being angry with "feminists" (a bad word!) who would dare to counter the council of Church leaders and who attacked the values that I held. But as I had more experiences within the Church, looked at friends who had undergone difficult situations in which their opinions were discounted and their needs ignored by well-meaning priesthood leaders, when I served in my ward's Young Women and realized that many of them did not see a place for themselves in the Church as compared to their male brothers and friends, I realized that changes needed to be made, and that changes could be made. Like you said, most of the changes are superficial, simple changes that would signal to the body of the Church as a whole that the doctrine of the Church is true when it says that God loves His children and that His daughters are precious to Him and are seen and understood by Him. Changes that would bring our teachings in alignment with our actions. However, equally as valuable to me in your post was the overall message of love, acceptance, understanding, and a refusal to judge others whose beliefs differ from our own. I found no spirit of contention in your post; on the contrary I found it to be filled with a desire to extend Christ's charity to those around us. Thank you again.

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  38. I feel that the main point of the post was about raising our awareness of those that are marginalized and left out.. and for us to love and reach the way the Saviour reached out and loves us all. I feel though that the wearing of pants things doesn't do this as it seems divisive and judgemental...since I choose not to wear pants then I and many others are not aware or reaching out or striving to love ALL? To those of us outside of the States ( and maybe some within) the wearing of pants has been seen as a statement that those women want the priesthood and the message of reaching out to all just isn't coming across.

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  39. A few thoughts from a guy:

    1. Regarding your statement about the history of the church and changes that have happened. I personally think revelations happen a lot less than we think. I believe God puts good men in charge and let's them run the show. Only from time to time does he intervene. This is why we sometimes get poor decisions like Brigham Young's revocation of priesthood rights from Blacks. That decision, as the Church recently recognized, was not inspired. So, sometimes we attribute decisions made by leaders as inspired when in fact they are decisions made by folks who are trying their best. God does step in from time to time, but less often than we think. This has little to do with you post, but your comments made me think of it.

    2. I haven't followed the OW movement much. But this won't stop me from commenting - smiles - Ever since my youth I have wondered why women don't have the priesthood. Especially after learning of Old Testament prophetesses. The explanation that men have the priesthood and women have the babies never really sat well with me. It seemed a little demeaning.

    We do know that God, from time to time, has restricted the priesthood. The best example is when the Levites were only allowed the priesthood. I image God had His reasons and there was wisdom in the restriction.

    It is possible there is wisdom in the current restriction. Of course, I don't know if this is correct. God doesn't really fill me in on those details. Shocking I know.

    Below are a few thoughts on if there is wisdom in the current restriction:

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    1. Why is having babies demeaning? Having babies has made me feel powerful and almost super human. If there is one thing I've done in life that has made me feel like a Goddess-in-training, it has been my ability to grow another human with my body, give birth to a person, nurse them and nurture them. It's really sad to me that even in our church, the worldly idea that motherhood equals drudgery and is a lesser way to spend our time, is believed by some. I'm really proud of the hard work I e done to raise my kids.

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  40. 3. In a time when more and more children are being raised in single family homes, or in homes where both parents work and the child is raised more by a nanny or day care provider it is a good thing to have one spouse with less church responsibility. This, in theory, leaves that person with more time to focus on children.

    Just as there is ample evidence that a child raised in a home with two parents does better than a child raised in a single parent home. So to are children better off being raised in a home where one parent stays home while the other works.

    So perhaps, there is wisdom right now in restricting the priesthood to to one gender. I am writing off the cuff. I haven't thought a lot about this...so don't jump all over me...it's just a thought.

    4. I believe good honest men are running the church. They haven't withheld the priesthood from women for reasons of power or perceived inferiority. This is why a good dialogue is needed. To explore the tradition and see if it still makes sense in todays changing world. If the OW folks are really interested in exploring this analysis they need to be prepared for the potential answer to be yes, it does make sense to restrict the priesthood to men. Likewise church leaders need to be ready to accept the opposite.

    5. One last thought as a guy who also works in education. We live in the age of women. At the college where I work 60% of the students are women. This is becoming the national norm. Women receive more degrees at every level. Men were hit much harder in the recent recession than women. So much so it has been labeled a mancession. In the case of a she-said-he-said disagreement a women's word holds more weight. This is especially true on college campuses. In grade schools boys fail at a much greater rate than girls. A vast majority of elementary teachers are female. Which means they have an outsized influence on children and even the culture at large. It also means that women teacher tend to favor girls in schools over boys. This is simply human nature. There is nothing nefarious about it. But it happens. Because human nature causes one to prefer what is most like you.

    So when we live in a time when men are struggling perhaps there is wisdom in keeping the priesthood with them. [Yes I know women have struggled in the past, this is not an argument over who has struggled more but rather a simple search to see if there is wisdom in restricting the priesthood to men].

    Your article is well written and thought provoking. Thank you.

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  41. Thank you for writing this article. There are sooo many people who blindly/ignorantly and angrily oppose mormon feminists. I myself am not really supporting the protests in front of the conference center or petitioning for the priesthood, HOWEVER, I did wear pants to church in order to support the women who are being bullied over this. I have never seen so much ugliness from members of the church! Not very Christlike at all.

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  42. Growing up in my household I always wondered about Heavenly Mother and why we don't talk of her more often. The answer I have found is this: Our father in heaven loves her so much. When we think about how often his name and title are used vainly whether through cursing or as a front for one cause or another it makes the answer clearer. He does not want her to be represented poorly. He wants her and what she stands for to remain pure and as untouched by the evils of this world as possible. All because of how much he loves her and what she stands for.

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  43. Motherhood is a key of the priesthood. Men in the world Do Not Hold This Key. The pro creative power is of God and know woman or man would be able to pro create without God making it possible through His plan. Just like who gets to hold the priesthood and who doesn't, that is a decision made by God, not God's prophets, or leaders in the LDS church but our Heavenly Father himself, it sounds like our argument is almost valid, yes people do need to be better at treating others better, in and out of the LDS church, and in the world.
    Remember we do not know all that God knows. If we did wouldnt we be exalted.

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  44. The LDS church is Christ's church under the direction of our Father in heaven. He makes the decisions as to what the "rules" will be. Yes people need to be kinder and gentler to each other in the church and out of the church, maybe we all should have taken on each others sins and bled from every poor. A cording to some of the comments because Christ did it maybe we all should. Life is not fair but that doesn't mean that we get to point fingers in discouragement. This topic is just perpetrating the cycle. Women are mothers and this is part of God's plan not just life's plan. Motherhood and Priesthood are God hood.

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  45. Yes yes yes. Thank you. When Pres Uchtdorf gt up in the Sunday Afternon session and said "this is the 5th and concluding session of General Conference" my heart screamed "Why was the Women's meeting not considered as important? why was it not included? Why just the 2 Sat 2 Sunday and Priesthood sessions?" That cognitive dissonance is small but hurts. I am right where you are. I stand with people who hurt at church.

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  46. I appreciate your story and your message very much. There is far too much vitriol in the Church about these concerns. Sincere inquiries such as yours should be encouraged. And open, respectful dialog is healthy. Thank you for sharing your journey.

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  47. Girl, whoever you are, I'm so proud of you. You sound almost exactly like me about 3 years ago. I'm so proud that there are people out there humble enough to change their minds, fearless enough to ask questions. I, like you, stumbled upon the fact that I was a feminist, and it led me on the most rewarding, frightening, crazy philosophical journey of my life.

    My advice to you: don't stop thinking. Don't stop questioning. Don't give up and put these new insights on a shelf. You could feel the increase of love you experienced when you opened yourself up to these ideas, right? I know I did. I felt like the grinch, when his heart grows three sizes larger. Keep searching. And don't be afraid of the answers that honest questions will bring you. Be brave!! You rock.

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